Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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