Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Randomize
