That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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