i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
