wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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