Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize