Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
