I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
