he told me I talked like a deaf person
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
