One girl and one boy is just not enough.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
