It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
