I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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