He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
