i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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