I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
