im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
