We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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