I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
