she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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