I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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