he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
