the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
