That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
