I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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