I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
