it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
