Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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