id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
