2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
