So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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