its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
