Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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