remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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