Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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