Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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