but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
