Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
