There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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