omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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