I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
