There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
