Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
