So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
