next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
