I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
