Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
