I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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