I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
