So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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