I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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