guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
