life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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