I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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