well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
