people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
