If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Text me some of your sweat
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
