I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
