How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
