i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
