I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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