:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
