it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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