Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
