So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
only you would photoshop your dick
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
