Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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