I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
