He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
