How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
