Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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