I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
