her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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