47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
