Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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