Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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