His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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