Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
how drunk are you?
Several
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
