i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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