That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize