After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
