Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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