My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
