you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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