Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
