On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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