First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
