Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
