You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
