Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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